This is me trying to deal with shingles since... JUNE 18TH (2001)."I will not go play on the freeway..."
My doctor has said that I may be dead two months before I quit hurting. "I will not go play on the freeway..."
So I figure that, although it hurts to laugh... heck, I hurt anyway... "I will not go play on the freeway..."
I need a good laugh. So I'll just start this joke page. "I will not go play on the freeway..."
If you have a good - make that a "good clean" - joke that you would like to share, "I will not go play on the freeway..."
just e-mail it to me and I'll see if it makes me laugh. I'll post the best ones on this page. "I will not go play on the freeway..."
Send it to: firstname.lastname@example.org In the Subject line, type in: For Joke Page.
And to start this off, "Where is that blasted freeway?..."
here are a couple I especially liked.
Jokes From the Web and Other Far Out Places
Two doctors and an HMO manager are killed in a train wreck and line up at the Pearly Gates for admission to heaven.
Saint Peter asks them to identify themselves.
One doctor steps forward and says, "I was a pediatric spine surgeon. I helped hundreds of kids overcome their deformities."
Saint Peter says, "Enter."
The other doctor says, "I was a psychiatrist. I helped rehabilitate thousands of people."
Saint Peter nods and invites him into heaven, too.
The third applicant steps forward and says, "I was an HMO manager. I helped countless people get cost-effective health care."
Saint Peter tells him, "You can come in, too."
As the HMO manager walks by, Saint Peter adds, "But you can only stay for three days. After that, you can go to hell."
The Pope was visiting New York City. He suddenly realized that he was alone in his limo except for his chauffeur, and his security people were no where in sight. Thinking how nice that freedom felt, he had another idea and ask his chauffeur to switch places with him and let him drive the limo.
The chauffeur resisted, but the Pope insisted that he hadn't been able to drive a car in a very long time and he really wanted to drive one for a change.
Finally, the chaufeur relented and the two switched places.
Being extremely out of practice, the Pope promptly ran a red light and was stopped by a cop.
When the cop saw the Pope at the wheel, he did a double-take, and said, "Uh, excuse me a moment, Your Holiness."
The cop radioed into the station and ask for the Chief. "Sir, we have a unique situation here."
The Chief says, "Oh,.. you mean you've like maybe pulled over the Mayor?"
The cop says, "Uh, no... bigger than that."
The Chief says, "Oh, I see. You mean it's a Senator?"
The cop says, "Nooo... bigger than that." The Chief says excitedly, "Man.. you mean the President?"
The cop say, "No... bigger than that".
The Chief says with agitation, "Look here, Officer, just who the heck DO you have if he's bigger than the President?"
The cop says, "To be honest Chief, I really don't know, but his chauffeur is the Pope."
A Texan died and ascended into Heaven.
St. Peter met him and welcomed him saying
"You will certainly enjoy Paradise."
The Texan shook his head sadly and said
"I always thought that TEXAS was Paradise,"
St. Peter said "Well, let me show you what we have
to offer." He took the Texan to an area that had a
beautiful river flowing through it with wildlife and
flowers everywhere. "Isn't this beautiful?" said St.
Peter. The Texan replied, "Yes, but not as pretty as
the area around SAN ANTONIO."
Somewhat ruffled, St. Peter took him to another area
where there were rolling hills, whitetail deer and
bluebonnets and Indian Paintbrush everywhere. "Now"
said St. Peter "Have you ever seen anything so
wonderful?" The Texan paused and said "Yes, it is
beautiful but it does not hold a candle to the TEXAS
HILL COUNTRY in the springtime."
Becoming more upset, St. Peter then took the Texan
to a beautiful white beach, with gentle waves, and an
azure sky. "Now have you seen anything this beautiful
in Texas" said St. Peter. The Texan smiled and said
"I guess you've never been to SOUTH PADRE ISLAND."
At this point, St. Peter took the Texan to a large
rock. On the side of the rock was a huge iron door.
St. Peter opened the door and they stepped into an
elevator and started going down. As they descended, it
grew more and more hot. When the elevator door open,
it revealed the fires of damnation-Hell.
St. Peter said "Now, have you got anything in Texas
that can top that?"
The Texan thought a moment and shook his head. "No,
but I know a couple of old boys from HOUSTON that
can put that thing out for you."
Submitted by: John Kirk, SFI Consumber Discount Club.
Note: For benefit of some non-Texans, Houston, Texas is home of the famous oil well fire fighter, "Red" Adair.
Alice, the town gossip and supervisor of the town's morals committee, accused Tom, a local man, of being an alcoholic because she saw his pickup truck parked outside the town's only bar.
Tom stared at her for a moment, and said nothing.
Later that evening, he parked his pickup truck in front of her house and left it there all night.
More to come... with your submissions... that is..Enjoy!
By the way... if the doctor misses his prognoses by at least two months in my favor,
I'll try to let you know... if I'm still coherent... that is!
Disclaimer: This page is meant solely as a fun page. No offense meant to anyone, and hopefully none will be taken. Life gets much too serious with all of the problems we all have to deal with, not to mention the violence we're bombarded with daily. So if you share a smile or chuckle or two with us, perhaps we've brightened your day just a teeny, tiny bit. Thank you for visiting. Have a nice day! Doris
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